Infidelity
by Crimson Bttrfly
Summary: What if Integra Hellsing consented to some of society's little conventions such as... say marriage... or children? Would there be any repercussions for such actions?
1. Prologue

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**I do not own the rights to Hellsing**

**Summary: **What if Integra Hellsing consented to some of society's little conventions such as... say marriage... or children? Would there be any repercussions for such actions? A/U. Animeverse.

**Rating: **T

**A/N: **Reposting old stories from an old account.

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_Be not overcome with evil. Overcome evil with good._

Instead, I ignored the very teachings of my church, and persevered onwards only with an illusion of my own religion.

_Honor thy father and thy mother._

Foolishly and unknowingly, have I turned my back on the warnings of my own father. There were _reasons_ why all _good_ Hellsings kept their '_pets_' caged. Yet, I blindly ignored the man whom I loved and felt so much adulation for.

But, these attributes of honor that I have so ignorantly bestowed upon myself. They were only vain and empty accolades. My bravado, my arrogance, to heed the warnings of the very things which I had placed so high and above all else has ended me. Ended me here.

So, this is what it all meant. _This is what they all meant._

**Infidelity**

_Prologue: _

_The Conventionalism of Marriage_

She had never been ordinary. She had always been placed above the normal pedestrian station of life. Her own duty, however, had brought her down upon the grim realism of compromising her wants to abide by the average expectations that someone of her social placement had to fulfill. She quickly found that she was not immune to these ever pressing expectations of finding a partner and securing her line. Marriage was a dismal prospect to her -- a prospect that she had evaded in her youth with the illusion that she had the rest of her life to find a permanent consort to help her bare a child. But once a "tragic" peace had befallen her organization, all eyes turned to her to find a suitable man in her social stratosphere to marry. It was unsaid, but she still could feel the burning of their eyes fall upon her to fulfill her duty. She only felt a tinge insulted by the implications that her youth was fading and it was time to "settle down". Despite the insinuations, however, she also found marriage apart of the most common goals bestowed upon people, and there was no love to be offered from her heart when her duty had called for a successor. Needless to say, she was not a hopeless romantic.

She went at the "challenge" in what would be called "a most unusual way," but then again she was a very unusual woman with the most unusual way of life and career.

Instead of looking for someone to fall madly, hopelessly, in love with to call her "husband", she secretly had her own way of going at the marriage market. And indeed, a market it was to her. She was, in layman terms, "shopping for a husband" -- using the world as a genetic bazaar. She had already, in all "common" respects, set the bar too high for those not already inducted into a Greek Pantheon with the title of "god" in regards to their social position. Perhaps, she knew her standards were too high, and knowingly did this to evade the exercise in conventionalism that she associated with marriage. Or, perhaps she truly felt worthy of such a man that could create a child with strong genes who could withstand the grueling task that _was _Hellsing. Either way, she held fast and steady to her beliefs of a "husband" _suitable _for Hellsing. To most, finding a mate to satisfy an organization seems odd at best, but bearing in mind what was at stake, she found it the most responsible way to handle the entirety of _her "_dilemma."

Integra had fancied herself "safe" when the whispers of her marrying had subsided. Leaving her with the freedom to procrastinate indefinitely. But, perhaps she should have taken the dying down of the provincial "gossip" as a warning, a signal, of what or who, rather, was to come. Stopping shortly of making a "list" of the dos and don'ts for her potential (hypothetical) suitor, she met _him_. There were no signs of love or severe adulation on her part when this man had taken the position held by his late father at the Convention of the Twelve. But, once she saw him, she instantly knew that evading the endeavor of marriage was all but over. They would be paired, if not by her, by the knights or the society that she felt so much abhorrence towards. Her cold stance towards him was her defying the "system", but he found it more of a challenge much to her disdain. His "agreeable" manner and nature and his "pleasant face" had been the terms she was given as she was forced into the marriage. Little did they know that she had more "colorful" descriptions in regards to her "knight in shining armor."

Integra in time found his company "tolerable enough" to make the institution of marriage less of an asylum. She had not expected, however, a certain backlash that came with the arrival of the imminent nuptials. The "infamous" _No- life-King_ took an exception to her choice of marriage. Upon facing the conversation that would end up destroying her relationship with her "star agent" she had admitted during their last "traditional" conversation, that she had grown up, and choosing her duty over all else she turned her back on her most respected employee -- a choice that would change her life forever. Although, his motives of deterring her from marriage where never in question – _by her that is_.

After the bride and groom had received the golden bonds of marriage, the subject was never revisited by her employee. Their relationship had been broken save for the lingering tie that would be ultimately manipulated and distorted beyond resolve or recognition. The latter would be devised when Integra made the "untimely" decision to bear a child and bring it to term. By this time she had been freed of her marriage. The parting of her late husband had brought her no tears or emotional empathy at her new deprivation. Her husband had left her world like he had entered, abruptly. She had achieved her goals of having a successor, and now there was no question that the name "Hellsing" would go onwards. Other than being condemned to wear black while in mourning, she was unaffected by the recent passing of the man she had vowed to "love, honor and _obey_."

There was, however, a slight change in the impenetrable force that was Integral, for she was now a mother. And, while most brashly questioned, with venom, her maternal instinct, they quickly found that while she stood with a resolution of steel upon the death of her husband, she was deeply affected by her child. Integra took motherhood like she took any challenge. She would make sure her child was not only protected, but was given the capabilities of protecting itself. She was the one that would instill the rigid beliefs that came with being a Hellsing. Upon realizing there was no merit in the previous accusations of her inadequacies as a mother, the tide quickly changed to accusations that Integra had grown too soft and placed the stronghold of Hellsing in jeopardy. She was "incapable" of running the organization like her forefathers. The reason? She was a woman plagued now with the inabilities of functioning properly with a woman's "often times eccentric reasoning." In other words, she had "willingly" decided to take part in the "usual" manner of being a woman by giving birth. Knowingly she was forced to separate herself even more from the male Knighthood. Although, when it all came down to it, the nay-sayers were not saying anything new about her abilities as a leader. Barren or with a houseful of children she was _still_ a woman. Blame it all on Eve, but you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Powerful men always like to watch a powerful woman, especially one who has the nerve to challenge them, squirm under pressure, and especially if she falters. But, much to her servant's chagrin, the exaggerations of her reported "softness" did not distance Integra from the child.

But, if truth be told, the "public" opinion of Ms. Hellsing more than inflated her "soft motherly nature." She was by far not in contention for any "Mother of the Year" award. She did care about her child, but that did not stop her from continuing on in a manner she was most accustomed to, and hiring a nanny to be busy with the child when she was working.

Walter was only marginally surprised at how Integra received her responsibility in regards to motherhood. He by far knew that she was out of her element when it came to childrearing. He had been the one to refer a nanny to be appointed in service to Ms Hellsing, but Integra did have a natural affinity towards _her_ baby despite her lack of experience around children.


	2. Part 1: The Child that Never Cried

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I do not own the rights to Hellsing

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_Part One:_

_The Child That Never Cried_

Integra had born a healthy girl who was given the name Prudence Wallace Hellsing. She was indeed a lovely child, who, acted as all young children should, save for one strange flaw, or blessing, depending how one perceives this peculiarity. She never cried, not for food, not from fear, not from falling. She never so much as whimpered. Integra was uncertain of what to make of this oddity. She made sure to have the child carefully looked after in case something ill were to occur, being naturally afraid that the girl might not give any warning if she was suffering. Other than the mentioned flaw, Prudence grew up like all children do. She was given ample affection from her nanny, her mother, Walter, and Seras, who, when she was off duty found playing with Prudence a lovely distraction. Walter and Integra would from time to time joke about Seras having a better maternal instinct than even the mother.

However, one of the most important members of Hellsing would have very little to do with the mother let alone her daughter. He did only that was asked of him during the relative peaceful time that had fallen upon the soldiers of Hellsing. Walter once joked that perhaps it would be in the best interest for Alucard to be "put up" so as to "spare him" of the mundane spell that had come to pass. Integra responded only with a blank stare before understanding that her butler was only joking. Perhaps, she would have comprehended Walter's meaning sooner if she had not been toying with the idea seriously. Upon thinking such thoughts she would quickly brush them off as her being paranoid, but part of her was unsure of his motives after the estrangement.

When Prudence grew to the tender age of five, illness struck at a seemingly healthy child. Her tawny complexion inherited from her mother began to grow ashen, and large dark circles began to appear underneath her once bright grey eyes. Integra had oddly enough been the first to notice the change in appearance despite the fact that the nanny saw Prudence early in the morning. Only after doing what needed to be done to maintain an organization such as Hellsing, did Integra visit with her daughter early that evening. But, instantly upon seeing her child, Integra knew something was amiss with the girl. Mrs. Norris, the nanny, tried to pass it off as nothing serious, saying that whatever it was it seemed to have no effect on the child's behavior. She recommended that Prudence be allowed more time to play outside in the sun. Integra agreed, but about the time that dusk began to approach she could not help but feel compelled to have her daughter checked by a physician after Prudence wished to retire to bed early that night. Integra had asked Walter to call in an appointment to her doctor for the next morning. She had checked upon the girl later that night to find that Prudence's breathing seemed a little ragged.

Walter had come into check on Integra in her office. Much to his surprise she sat in the large leather chair facing her desk. She appeared to be in deep thought about something, especially since she paid no heed to the large oak door roaring back on its hinges as the butler began his way into the office. Walter made a quick mental note to have the hinges oiled next time he had the chance before he continued over the threshold to the room.

"Ms Hellsing?" he questioned in a soft voice so as not to approach her blindly and cause her distress. But, while Integra was indeed caught off guard she remained calm and collected where others would have jarred from the unexpected intrusion.

"Walter?" she asked, waiting for him to continue on with whatever information he thought was fit to disturb her.

"I came to ask you if you would like some tea before bed," he answered with a calming voice, knowing that Integra was half expecting him to bring some news of illness regarding Miss Hellsing.

Integra gave a nod of her head despite the fact that her thoughts appeared to have left the conversation after Walter revealed that he was not the bearer of bad news. The butler gave a small smile and a slight bow before moving to exit the office.

"Walter," Integra began. Her very words halted her faithful servant as he turned courteously to observe the speaker. Once Integra had seen him move to face her, she continued. "Am I getting too complacent?" she asked, breathing a small sigh. Walter was not sure if the sigh was one of weariness, or if it was a small laugh at her question.

Walter smiled. "Compared to?" he began, half amused that she even cared.

Integra gave him an icy stare which would have frozen a lesser man. "No," he replied and gave a lift of an eyebrow. "A lioness is one of the most feared predators in her natural habitat. She can easily rip out the throat of a man with little thought or provocation with her mere mouth -- the very same mouth with which she corrects and loves her young."

Integra found herself fighting back a smile at her impertinent question. "Then when does the worrying end?" she asked softly, hoping against hope that the question had gone undetected by the butler.

Walter had heard the question despite Integra's attempt to muffle it. "Ah," he began with a tilt of his head as he appeared to be recalling a particular instance. "Yes, same question only a different Hellsing," he added with a grin.

"My father?" She lifted a brow, amused.

"And his father and mother as well, I am sure, asked the very same question. And, your father, noble man as he was, came to the 'dreadful' conclusion that he would be plagued with this the rest of his life, _and he was correct._

Integra gave a small grin and glanced away. "Thank you," said she mouthed silently.

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The next day the call from the doctor was received, the only problem was that the child was no where to be found. Integra could hardly believe this to be true, and upon being informed that Mrs. Norris was amiss, she quickly recalled the conversation they had the previous day.

"How could she?" was Integra's response to the situation. She had no clear idea where the nanny had taken the young girl. She and Walter had immediately called for a quick survey of the property to see if they could find the missing pair, but they were only met with anxiety. Almost immediately afterward, they were instantly informed that Mrs. Norris had returned with a "very ailing Miss Hellsing." Integra wanted to know what they meant exactly by "very ailing" when she made her way in to see the physician.

Once she had entered the room, she saw much to her horror her child's breathing reduced to painful sounds of wheezing as her chest heaved heavily for air. Prudence's complexion had become deathly white, and the lids covering her eyes had darkened. Integra glanced down to observe that her daughter's arms were horribly burnt and blistered.

"What is the cause of all of this?" she demanded glaring over at the nanny more so than the doctor.

"We had agreed that she should get some fresh air-"

"Indeed! But, I had also instructed you not to take her anywhere until she was seen by a doctor," Integra scolded. She quickly turned her attention to the physician at hand.

"What is going to happen to her?"

"I have instructed for a nebulizer to be sent with medicine, it should not take long," he reasoned calmly.

"What is the matter with her?"

"It seems she has a rare 'allergy' to the sun," he said glancing down at Miss Hellsing's arms. "Mrs. Norris said that almost instantly once they had gone outside that Prudence began to show signs of a severe sunburn on her exposed arms and a portion of her uncovered legs. By the time they got inside, the sunburn had escalated into what we have now."

"Thank God, I had the foresight to have dressed her in a wide brimmed hat," Mrs. Norris responded.

"Foresight, indeed!" Integra mocked agitated by not only the woman's impropriety, but also by the sound of her voice as well.

As the doctor had said, it was within no time that they had set up the breathing machine, and had placed a small mask to the young Miss Hellsing's face. Her breathing appeared to have returned back to normal, but there still was no return of the girl's natural color or vibrancy in regards to her complexion.


	3. Part 2: The Betrayal

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I do not own the rights to Hellsing

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_Part Two: _

_Betrayal_

A week later Integra felt the full force of making the most grievous error of not immediately firing Mrs. Norris after the entire incident a mere seven days prior. This time it was Walter who had come to the "rescue." He was doing his daily "chores" when he noticed that a door to an unoccupied guestroom was slightly ajar. Thinking it quite strange, he moved to close the door. As he did, he peaked in to see the room brightly lit with sunshine, and the young Miss Hellsing lying motionless on the ground with Mrs. Norris nowhere to be found.

The incident had landed Prudence in a laboratory downstairs where she laid in critical condition. Even after the horrendous morning, Walter still could find no hide or hair of Mrs. Norris. He did not relate this much to Integra, for she already had too much on her mind considering the tragic condition of her daughter, who after the day's events had been horribly disfigured by the sun. She no longer looked like the usually happy and healthy Hellsing child. Prudence's appendages, and especially her face, had been burnt and scarred beyond the point of recognition.

Prudence, before the incident in the guest room, seemed to show progress in the battle against her illness. This progress unexpectedly began to wane. Integra could not rightly comprehend what was happening to her child, nor could anyone else. Even the doctor had drawn a blank. He could only stand behind his former diagnosis that the child be placed nowhere within proximity of the sun.

The small medical staff employed to treat Prudence had managed to stabilize her condition. They, however, were unsure for how long it would last, or if the poor child would even make it through the treacherous illness that had befallen her. Once Integra had entered the lab, she heard her child raving in madness about something. When she asked about the cries the doctors replied that it was delirium. They also noted that when the girl spoke in proper English she was saying something about the "red men." All Integra could do was watch the scene unfold in mortification. After sitting silent into the wee hours of the darkened morning, Integra was overcome by her own guilt. She could no longer sit and stare; she needed to leave the suffocating atmosphere of failure, and she decided to excuse herself.

In deep thought about her poor decision as a mother -- as a guardian -- Integra unconsciously traced her way back to an area well known to her in both youth and age, her office. Perhaps a subconscious part of her thought that if she threw herself into work she could clear her mind from the situation downstairs. She was unsure of the cause, but before she knew it she had crossed the threshold into her adequately adorned office. Little did she know that she was falling right into an enemy's trap.

Integra flipped on the light to the room. Just as she glanced upwards to survey the area, she stirred in shock to find a familiar face awaiting her. She stood hesitant for a moment, observing the "trespasser" with a cold stare. She knew he was there not to bring her comfort, and personally at that moment his presence was most unwelcome.

"Sir Hellsing," he called from his reclining position in the leather chair stationed in front of her large mahogany desk. "How _is_ your daughter?" his voice dripping with insincerity as his venomous breath poisoned the air between them.

"Why ask a question to which you already know the answer?" Integra replied with agitation as she moved to her desk.

"Answering a question with a question?" he mused sadistically.

"Your point? Why did you cross over into my office? I thought we weren't on 'speaking' terms," she stated dryly. When she was given no reply, she glanced over at the chair in front of her desk. She was met only with the emptiness of the air…

Integra furrowed her brows, confused. She, then, gently rubbed her eyes with her right hand. She knew he was toying with her. Or, perhaps she was more tired than she had originally thought. But, something was definitely not right, and she began to wonder if there was more credit that needed to be given to her servant.

She sat down behind her desk, and quickly lit a cigar as she glanced over the paperwork. Her thoughts drifted to and fro. They were always met with a foreboding force that played off of her very own reasoning.

She blamed herself for her unwise error of not getting rid of Mrs. Norris. She had meant to fire the nanny, it just seemed that every time she made time to do so, some little menial task interrupted her.

_Did it interrupt you, or were you only looking for a reason to distract yourself from the chore? Perhaps you simply forgot because you didn't make time enough to care._

Integra shook her head after feeling the gross thought leave her thoughts Her heart skipped a beat upon letting that enter her mind. For now, she found herself torn by her motives. Had she unconsciously wanted to harm her child? No. That was the instantaneous answer to her question. Then, why had her mind related that line of reasoning to her? Integra swallowed hard, and just assumed it was dumb logic, and continued on with filing through her paperwork.

Still again, she found herself unable to focus. Her mind reverting to thinking back (as it often times did) on how her father would have handled that situation. She quickly assessed that he would have fired Mrs. Norris in a timely and fashionable manner. He would have done it without further ado.

_Or would he have? You mother is lying six feet under, and he put her into the grave before he went. Perhaps, if she would have lived, you would know your proper place as a woman. Blame it on your family._

Integra opened her mouth and her eyes widened at this monstrosity of a thought. How could she have even fathomed such an idea? It was not possible. She adored her father. She bore no disrespect or ill contempt towards his unfortunate demise or her mother's. It was simply impossible to think such thoughts. She loved them both.

_Can you love? When were you ever capable of that function? Remember your dearly departed husband? Did you cry a single tear upon hearing of his death? Did you feel the slightest bit affected or moved to emotional distress? Can you even remember his name? What makes you think that you are capable of love? Are you more upset that if your daughter dies that you will have no successor to your organization, or do you really have a fondness for her? You might have felt adulation for your father, because you knew that he was so highly respected. Was he so highly regarded? Or did he only seem highly respected after you were knighted? You being a woman and all_

_Stop it, Integra, s_he countered, not quite sure where this deluge of illness was coming from. It made no sense. Why would she have such malicious thoughts in regards to the people she _loved, or thought she loved_. She swallowed again and shook her head, finally deciding to retire to bed. Maybe her thoughts were stemming from lack of sleep?

What was causing these unwanted ideas? She had never heard of such preposterous reasoning in her life!

_Am I cracking? Have I finally snapped? No, s_he answered as a heavy realization fell upon her. _Alucard. After his "untimely" appearance I was overwhelmed with these ill musings. I'll be damned! _

Enraged and feeling violated, she quickly stacked the papers neatly on her desk in order of importance before leaving the office. She was to first check on her daughter, and afterwards she would travel to the "dungeon" to have a talk with her "unruly" pet. Again, she found herself deep in thought, but this time her mind worked with a renewed clarity as she finally began to understand the predicament she was in, and finally the cause. The pieces to the puzzle were beginning to come together.

_The red _men? Integra asked herself as she began down the stairs. Then, it all finally hit her as she stopped dead in her tracks. It felt as if she had run head-on into a wall of ice -- the realization overcame her. _It wasn't the "red men" she was raving about. It was a red man! _Integra's eyes widened as she mentally went over, blow by blow, her daughter's condition. _Prudence_ _– over the course of a week has lost her vitality for no known reason. She began to grow deathly pale and resilient to the sun. Her breathing, too, became forced. When in the sun she suffers from burns. _Integra paused at her evaluation of her daughter's condition. _How could I have been so blind?_ she asked herself frantically as she quickly made the last step of the staircase.

As soon as the leather soles of her shoes hit the floor, she instantly reached into her jacket to ensure she had a gun fitted into her shoulder holster. Silently, she vowed that if her daughter had been so much as touched by her "pet" that he was going to pay, and pay dearly.

She began downstairs to the lab where her daughter laid. As she walked through the corridors, she went through the scenarios that could have happened_. How could he do such a thing? _She knew he was a monster, but was he not restricted from harming her daughter by the same binds that held him to her? _No_. She thought to herself. She knew nothing of him being bound to the future some-day heirs of the Hellsing blood line. He was currently only tied to her.

_But how? _Was the question that kept popping into her mind. Instantly, she was met with another logical answer. Mrs. Norris, he had manipulated the nanny into doing his bidding. Too prideful to do it himself. It was plausible. Then, if Mrs. Norris was truly his "puppet" this would mean that he had given Integra more then ample time to find the resolution to her daughter's illness. First, it had been the pale complexion and ragged breathing. Then, it was the sun-sickness. Integra had been blinded by the continuing signs for a week. He ruthlessly had allowed her time enough to assess the problem. But, he knew she was blindfolded. This was the beauty of it all. This is why he had given her enough time to have comprehended and to have cured the ailment. He knew she would not figure it out in time and once the gravity of it all had finally hit her, she would not only be overcome with grief for her daughter, but more importantly an overwhelming sense of regret and guilt due to her ignorance. The type of regret and guilt that would drive a person to a painful insanity. And, the road to insanity was where she was heading as Integra felt the burden of blame grow even heavier upon her thoughts.

How had she gotten so complacent? The Integra of old would have surely noticed, wouldn't have she? How did she not immediately notice the signs? They were so recognizable in hindsight. Was she just too busy to care? Was that the problem? Maybe Alucard's mental subterfuge earlier that night was founded more in truth than she would like to have believed. Integra was still partially in disbelief that her long time "pet" could be so malicious. But she knew he was a monster, had she not? Yet, the more important question was, 'how could I have let this happen?' This was perhaps the most gut wrenching of the questions she had asked herself. Even more gut wrenching was what she was going to have to do with her daughter if her blood was tainted. The answer would be obvious to a more detached, rational Integra. She instinctively, through all of her years of training, quickly assessed the problem, but she felt a sense of self loathing as she silently answered her own question.

_You have to kill her_. It was logically the only way to handle the situation. Letting her daughter live on in such a state would be unacceptable in the moral aspect of letting a perpetual impure child run Hellsing. And, the fact that she would be Alucard's pawn would be the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. The servant-master relationship would be utterly reversed and he would finally be in control, again.

Integra grimaced at the thought. 'This simply must be a nightmare,' was the phrase she kept repeating over and over in her head. This would be his final revenge on Hellsing. His long awaited moment to usurp the authority which had chained him like a dog in years past. There was a reason why her forefathers kept him under lock and key, and now she understood her father's meaning when he said to use him only in the most dire of times. This is why they did not tell their children of their "secret weapon" until the incumbent Hellsing was nearing death. How could she have been so ignorant? To have ignored her father's own commands. Remembering his words now did her no good. She had already failed.

Upon thinking the latter of these thoughts, Integra ran into Walter, who stood gravely before her. His face pale for he was just on his way to find her.

"It is Prudence, " he began softly. "She is only being supported by the machines in there, they don't believe she'll- "

"No more," she replied softly.

"I have asked for the staff to grant you privacy if you so wish to –"

Integra nodded, signaling that he needed to speak no more, before she moved pasted his position and walked into her child's resting area.

Integra bit down on her lip as her eyes fell upon her child in solemn despair. She waited a few hesitant moments. She slowly concentration on breathing in and out before finally inhaling a sharp breath and moving closer to her daughter. Integra's sorrowful eyes observed the grotesque burns that veiled her child's once angelic face and body. The once handsome Miss Hellsing had the deformed appearance of a monster.

Integra exhaled heavily before gently placing a soft finger against Prudence's lips. She gently, slowly, began to pry the girl's mouth open with her fingers -- exposing what she had feared to be true. The gums had begun to withdrawal from the canines, causing the teeth to take on the appearance of fangs.

Integra clenched her jaw before damning the monster that had done this. She was yet to seek her revenge on him, but now she had to deal with her child. If it be so that Prudence's soul was lost, she would – no, she _could_ be the only one to find it redemption. It was the only way. But, part of her was still in disbelief that this was happening. Either way her child was lost.

Integra gently pried the girl's right eye open to find that its once grey colored iris had turned into a pinkish shade of violet. It was not just some genetic anomaly that had caused this problem. It was her own ignorance. She had offered her child to a monster like a lamb for slaughter. But, even despite the mounting proof that Miss Hellsing had been forsaken, Integra still had one more test to perform.

With great apprehension, Integra drew her gun as she treaded slowly toward the control panel that was connected to the life support system. Gently, she flipped the switch. As she did so, she was immediately faced with the painful sounds of the machines crashing -- verifying her own child's death.

Integra bit the inside of her mouth as she began to feel her heart hammer against her chest in distress at her loss. She turned slowly with great hesitance. She knew her dread came from the fact that despite the proof, she wanted to believe against all logic that her child was alright, but she knew this was only a want founded, not by reason, but by hysteria. Upon opening her eyes to view her daughter she aimed her gun and waited for movements, for any sign of motion, as she stood in deep despair. Her always steady hands pressed against the gun were now shaking slightly. Her large blue eyes were glued to the girl. Sweat streamed down her brow. Her heart pulsed loudly in her throat.

Within moments of the machines crashing, she watched her daughter's once monstrous external appearance transform into the angelic beauty it had formerly possessed. This was the final conformation that caused any fleeting hope, once possessed by the mother, to vanish.

But why had she not pulled the trigger? What was she waiting for? Had she lost her nerve? She had already killed her child once, what was stopping her from doing the same again? A woman who laughed during the most treacherous of situations, now, stood paralyzed when faced with an un-dead child? But, she was not frozen in dead fear, but rather, she was stopped by sorrow and regret. Integra had dealt with the deaths of loved ones many times before, but she had never been the one to inflict these deaths. But, how could she stand so boldly and shoot her own child with no feeling? When she had to execute her men who had fallen into darkness, had she not hindered? Had she not looked upon them with despair? She _had_ been affected by the deaths of her men. She was not a monster, and this situation was no different. Yet, while she had overcome her sorrow and reservations in regards to her men, she was still struggling with the action that would cause her to be the one responsible for the "death" of her own daughter.

The gun in Integra's hands now wavered back and forth significantly as she watched her daughter begin to awake into her un-dead world. For a brief fleeting moment, Integra contemplated, questioned, the relevance of everything she had done and what her fathers had done before her. But, she told herself that this was what a Hellsing had to endure as she fixed her aim on her target and moved to fire.

Only with the small voice of a child calling for her mother and the piercing cry of a gun firing did the scene end. Ended in pure blackness for one of the Hellsings.

-Fin-

**Author's Notes: **

As always, I thank anyone who reads this.


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